But alas, it is not to be ...

8 days of audits and I am still alive. I seem to be no worse for the wear on the outside. On the inside, I am just tired. The want to just slip on the comfy robe, pad out to the kitchen to make a pot of tea, and spend the rest of the day in bed is paramount in my mind. Right now, I would give almost anything to spend a day cuddled up in bed, a few good books, and a few good meals and just rest. But alas, it is not to be...

I rush from the office in North Carolina and speed like a maniac thru the streets to my house. I pack frantically and pray that I do not forget anything. (Ah, they can ship it to me anyway) I forget the important things: wallet, glasses, power cords, keys. Once again, I head out and fly thru the back streets making my way to I-40. I-40, a wonderful interstate that has taken me from the beaches of NC to the Midwestern states with speeds barely going below 60 mph. But alas, it is not to be...

I am stuck in traffic. Never once did I get above 45 mph. I am screaming obscenities to pass the time. It makes the drivers in front of me nervous. I kind of like that. I impress myself with a few words put together that I had not tried before. I will have to remember the arrangements for future reference when I read someone the riot act. I turn the radio up and sing the songs at the top of my lungs trying to reduce stress which I feel enveloping my psyche. Then I start to sing words to the music and make horrid parodies of the songs. (Damn I wish I had a tape recorder at the time) I breathe slowly and will away the stress. But alas, it is not to be...

My phone rings. Not only do I have to sit in traffic, but I have to now listen to a conference call (and pay attention to it) while fighting traffic. This is multi-tasking at its best. No more singing. No more creative songs. No more stress relief. I had 3 near accidents because the vein on my forehead pulsated into my field of vision scaring the pee out of me. I give the bass beat of my heart a 9 on the circuit party dance club music mix scale of 1 to 10. My points during the meeting were not heard. I neither had the will power nor the want to make more work for me stemming out of this meeting. But alas, it is not to be...

I scramble for a pad and pen to make my notes (while driving in heavy traffic) and pray that it is legible once I am finished. Everyone wants to talk to me about the audit. Everyone wants me to find out more information. Everyone is a list maker making my list for me. To be able to finish the information gathering that I went to NC to do and to report out on it PRIOR to getting more on the assignment was my only goal. Getting to the airport in time and finding the departing gate seemed like a miracle. Things were looking up, or so I thought. Plane delays and flight changes pushed my early flight out to a late departure. At least I was on time now (silver lining?) I just wanted to get back to Dallas at a descent time. But alas, it is not to be...

Two more days of work is all I have to get through. No more stress is needed. I have a Doctor’s appointment on Friday morning to get my yearly physical done. All my tests are scheduled (You know the ones that make you stay up at night worrying for no apparent reason cause there is nothing that you can do about it now). I still have to find another Internal Medicine / Gastroenterologist Doctor. On Saturday, I have to drive to Austin for a Rugby game. (Why on Earth did I say I would go?!? Oh wait; I can vent all my stress out on the other team. Is it against the rules to maim people as long as I do not chew on their bones in public?) I tried to tell myself that I would slow down to make sure that I would not burn myself out. I stated it out loud to the universe. I pushed the energy out to help me find that quiet, stress-free, and healing place. But alas, it is not to be...

I snuggle up against my little warm fur ball of a kitty that I have missed so much over these past 2 weeks. Happily content in the fact that I will get a few hours reprieve from the outside forces that want to tear down my walls of sanity, I slip into slumber land. My kitty just wants some loving like his daddy. His daddy just wants a little sleep and to feel the world drift away. I am looking forward to catching up with friends and getting back into a routine: dinners, laughter, movies and snacks. Next week will be great, just as long as I get through the next two days. But alas, it feels like it is finally meant to be...